"If this isn't love" Part VIII
I’ve always heard, and I know you have too, that life doesn’t always work out the way you expect. Now, I never doubted the saying; I just never thought it would be true for almost 90% of my adult life!
It was two days after our break up, and I thought that after New Years night, I couldn’t cry anymore tears. But I would feel like I was a pitcher under running water: I could contain myself, but only for so long; and after a while, I would begin to overflow. Just the thought of him would send me over the edge. At times, I would be overwhelmed with regret. Other times, I would take a deep breath and feel ever so calm and relieved. Some might say that it may have been pregnancy hormones…I say it was the pain of a self-inflicted, broken heart.
I sat on the couch, glued to my undeniable addiction, when I felt my cell buzz. It made me jump a little, since I’d sat there for almost 48 hours waiting on it to at least remind me that it still worked. And to my surprise, I had just received the first communication from Mr. Marcus since that dreadful break-up day. Of course, he was the last person I expected to hear from.
U busy? Nope, wuz up? I’m outside. Outside where??? I’m outside ur mom’s. Why? Can you come outside?
Hold up!!! Wait just a minute! I broke up with this man two days ago, and he just drove two hours to my parents’ house at almost 10 o’clock at night, and he wants me to come outside??? Puh-leeeaaase…yeah right! This is the man that put me out of his house and yelled at me for crying about stretch marks! Whateva! I don’t care what you say. I’ve seen my fair share of lifetime movies! I turned to my mom and gave her the heads up. Of course, she had the same thing in mind…”You don’t need to go out there by yourself! Don’t walk anywhere where I can’t see you through the window. You need me to go with you? You want me to wake up your daddy?”
OK, so she may have gone a little overboard…but what mother wouldn’t? My heart was pounding, my palms were sweating, and my mind was racing. What, in Jesus’ name, was he doing here???
My mom walked me to the door, turned on the porch light and I stepped outside. I had already decided that I wasn’t getting into his truck and I wasn’t going anywhere where my mom couldn’t see me from the window. I walked closer to the truck, but saw no one in it. I stood there for a second, and then proceeded to walk toward the back of the truck. (don’t worry…I made a wide turn so 1) my mom could still see me and 2) so he couldn’t sneak me…I had to be able to see him coming). With my heart pounding with every step, I made my wide turn around the back of the truck. There Mr. Marcus stood. He had one hand behind his back and a look on his face that I had never seen…a look so unfamiliar that there could’ve been an entirely different person standing before me. I braced myself and waited for what I thought was coming. Anger. Aggression. Yelling. Blaming. Finger pointing. Punching. Slapping. Kicking. Biting. (ok, just kidding.) As he stepped into the light, getting closer to me, I began to recognize the look on his face. It was still a look that I had never seen him carry, but none the less, I could still recognize it. I knew that look, because I had seen it several times before. It was a look that I, myself, had carried.
It was pain…undeniable pain. He approached me with tears in his eyes, and from behind his back, handed me a dozen beautiful roses. I had no inclination of what to do next. I stood there, speechless, holding the first bouquet of flowers that he had ever given me. I felt like my heart stopped. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions.
He opened his mouth, and spoke from his heart. It was the most beautiful moment that I had ever been a part of. I can even say that it was just like the movies!!! He told me that he couldn’t live without me…that he couldn’t stand being away from me and his baby boy. He told me that he was willing to do whatever he needed to do to insure that we never got to this place again. His words were a beautiful melody to my ears and my heart.
We made our way inside. (Once my mom saw the flowers, she was able to breathe and let him in…lol.) There was long, adult conversation about what we both expected from each other. Long story short: he wanted me to be more understanding; I wanted him to spend more time with us, take more responsibility as a father and to develop a relationship with God. They were the most important things to us at that moment.
It was a relief to speak to each other without feeling obligated to spare each other’s feelings. We got every issue out in the open and broke them down one by one. Whatever we wanted to change, we vowed to do. By the end of the night (or wee hours of the morning) we decided to pick things up where we left off (minus the drama, of course). It was going to be about us and our new family. Everything else was secondary.Hand in hand and with hearts intertwined once more, we forged ahead to a more promising future. Although this wasn’t the place we expected to be after over two years into our relationship, we realized that it all worked together for the good. The twists and turns in the road of our journey were becoming common place. It was time to start enjoying the ride again.
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Part IX will be up tomorrow...I PROMISE!