I turned my hobby into a business…and now I hate it.

You guys know that plants are one of the loves of my life. Taking care of them brought me a joy that couldn’t be contained. It spilled into everything I touched, including the interiors of my home and the spaces of clients. So much so that I became known as “the girl with all the plants”. I’d wake up on Saturday mornings and start my watering ritual: going around to all 47 of my green babies, giving them water and a few encouraging words. I shared that joyous routine with my Instagram community and that love became contagious and spread throughout and beyond. People began asking me questions about my love for them and for advice about their own. I had already done tons of research for the sake of my own plant babies, but dug deeper and studied all I could to be of better assistance to those that “needed” me. Over time and with the growth of that community, a few questions, very quickly ,turned into hundreds of questions and more and more of my time was less about my hobby, but more about being a resource to others.

It was fine at first. I actually loved it. I felt needed in a way that I’d never had before and at a scale that I could’ve never imagined. But, answering hundreds of questions in a day (most of the time, repeat questions), just took more time than I could commit. So I thought of something that could answer a lot of those repeat questions for my community and free up a ton of time for me; a resource that people could have access to all of the information that lived in my head.: a plant guide.

This idea (and my life) just snowballed from there. I created the content. Was convinced that I needed to sell it. A friend offered to illustrate it. That turned into a business transaction that turned into a licensing/royalties agreement. I had to upgrade my website to handle transactions. What was supposed to be just a digital guide turned into a hard copy, which I learned is not a straight forward transition. I then had to learn order fulfillment and shipping logistics. Workshop opportunities came. And more questions came. Plants had gone from one day a week to 24/7!

Things did eventually calm down, but only after attempting to separate plants from the rest of my life. Which ultimately failed, because they were never meant to be separate. The were such a huge part of my life and self care, but now, they were just more work. And the thought of more work on top of an already heavy work load of client projects, brand partnerships and home renovations led to total and complete resentment. There was no more joy.

But…commitments had been made. Money was being paid. It was work that I “had” to do. I did it, but to be completely honest, with no joy, it was half-assed. Other work didn’t slow down, so I found myself throwing plants commitments in to a disastrous whirlwind, hoping they’d land somewhere and be received in one piece.

First the guilt set in. Then the anxiety. Not only was I failing, what I was getting done wasn’t even that great and it was bleeding into other commitments/responsibilities. I was spinning a lot of plates and doing none of it well. It all came to a head last week when I word vomited everything to Marcus. He let me go on and on for over 20 minutes about how stressed I was about all the things I had to do, but wasn’t getting done. He let me get it all out before asking, “Is this where you ask me for advice or did you just need to vent?” “Both” is how I responded. A decision I only “semi” regret.

You have to know that husbae gives the absolute best advice. His assessments are always 100% spot on. But his delivery is often one that’s hard to swallow. This time was no different. He basically laid out the fact that I had some decisions to make. And not just short term, immediate decisions. I had to come to terms with and decided what I really wanted to do and not just what I could be doing. With the later, my options were plentiful. I’m educated, have tons of experience and am talented at a lot of things. Things that I could do. But doing what I want to do is something different. It would require making a conscious decision and committing solely to it. Perusing it like my life and livelihood depended on it. Fighting for it because anything else would be settling.

He’s right. I’ve been skating by on the things I can do; not truly pursuing or actively chasing anything. I do a lot things that I like and opportunities come, but I have yet to commit to what I want. And before I can even pursue what I want, I have to make space for it. Which means letting go of the things that I don’t want to chase: my plant guide and plant community on Instagram. I want to love my plants again, not resent them. I need them to bring the the joy I once had as I chase down what I want. I will continue to share my love for them, but that will be gist of it. There are so many great plant lovers that share their love and knowledge freely on the interwebs and I’m happy to point anyone their way.

But, this is not just a goodbye letter to my plant business. This is my stake in the ground. My starting line in the journey to chasing what I want. My thank you to my husband for always saying what I need to hear, no matter how hard it is to digest. My thank you to all of you for always supporting me through every single bit of it. Here’s to bigger and better for each of us.

xoxo